Unwed Teen Mothers

If you are an unwed teen mother, what made you decide to have a child?

What is the difference between a teen who is married and a teen who isn't?

Pushing a teenager to get married because of pregnancy will only further their problems.

agreed.
i dont think marriage has to be pushed just because of a pregnancy occuring in the teen years, it forces the two into something that they may not feel necessesary. where does it say if you are pregnant you muct get married ASAP

I'm not pushing anyone to do anything. I am simply asking what went in to the decision to have a child. I specified unwed because a married 19 year old is in a different place than an unmarried 15 year old.

most times when a teen is pregnant its not something planned.
and just because its not planned, doesn't mean it has to be terminated or can't be raised by the mother and father just because they are unmarried. How are they in a different place than a 15yr old who is unmarried and has a child...i don't really see the difference. A marriage isn't going to make it easier on the young couple, and its not going to push for that couple to stay together either.

krystineM wrote:

most times when a teen is pregnant its not something planned.

Now, now, Krystine. We all know this is not a case of most times. In fact, if we consider a lot of what we read by teenage posters, we all know that many many of them are planned.

...which is why i said most times juryofone. because its not always unplanned for teens.
what are you getting at.

My real question is, what goes into the decision to have the child?

juryofone wrote:

krystineM wrote:

most times when a teen is pregnant its not something planned.

Now, now, Krystine. We all know this is not a case of most times. In fact, if we consider a lot of what we read by teenage posters, we all know that many many of them are planned.

I think most of the pregnancies that result in births are either planned or not prevented. There is just no way that there is enough ignorance about birth control to account for the sheer numbers of teen pregnancies.

Here is an interesting study.

futureshock wrote:

juryofone wrote:

krystineM wrote:

most times when a teen is pregnant its not something planned.

Now, now, Krystine. We all know this is not a case of most times. In fact, if we consider a lot of what we read by teenage posters, we all know that many many of them are planned.

I think most of the pregnancies that result in births are either planned or not prevented. There is just no way that there is enough ignorance about birth control to account for the sheer numbers of teen pregnancies.

Here is an interesting study.

Especially when birth control is free to you. I find it highly insulting that anyone with access to free birth control would just snub their nose at it and then have an accidentally on purpose baby.

juryofone wrote:

Especially when birth control is free to you. I find it highly insulting that anyone with access to free birth control would just snub their nose at it and then have an accidentally on purpose baby.

Ditto.

futureshock wrote:

If you are an unwed teen mother, what made you decide to have a child?

Why do you assume that all unwed teenage mothers decided to have a child? Some are raped.

They decided to have it in that they decided NOT to get an abortion

Twat. Do you read anything before you post?

there are couples out there who are in a common law marriage.
they arent legally married, theres no papers that are signed stating their legally married,
but because they've been together for so long, in societies eyes they are married common law.
and these couples may decide to have a child.
they arent married, but want to start a family.
some may say that a marriage symbolizes the love a couple holds for each other,
but to others, a child might symbolize their love for each other just like a marriage.

why does there have to be a marriage to have a child?
it seems that these days, when something goes sour in a marriage, they end it right away with a divorce, rather than work it out.
so why go through all the fuss of a marriage, if it has a good chance of ending, regardless of children being present or not.

There are not many states anymore that recognize common law marriages:
http://www.nolo.com/article.cfm/objectId/709FAEE4-ABEA-4E17-BA34836388313A3C/catID/3C3AF4CE-DB9E-48C4-8DFCFE2E47C91747/118/304/145/FAQ/

Quote :

Contrary to popular belief, a common law marriage is not created when two people simply live together for a certain number of years. In order to have a valid common law marriage, the couple must do all of the following:

* live together for a significant period of time (not defined in any state)
* hold themselves out as a married couple -- typically this means using the same last name, referring to the other as "my husband" or "my wife," and filing a joint tax return, and
* intend to be married.

allowed states:

Quote :

Alabama
Colorado
District of Columbia
Georgia (if created before 1/1/97)
Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania (if created before 1/1/05)
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah

alot of states may not recognize it, but people who do live in common law do all of the following
* live together for a significant period of time (not defined in any state
* hold themselves out as a married couple -- typically this means using the same last name, referring to the other as "my husband" or "my wife," and filing a joint tax return, and
* intend to be married.

marriage might be the last thing on their mine because they still follow the ways of a legal married family,
they just have other things in mind that they feel is more important.
my mother and step father, they lived common law for 10 years!!
then finally, a year ago they got married.
my mom just didnt know if she should get married again because her first didnt go well,
she wanted to wait til my brothers and i were older to see how we feel about it,
my step dad asked her i think 2 or 3 times to marry her and she said no each time, then asked one last time and she said ok.
sometimes you just have to see how things go before rushing a marriage. see if the person will stick around.

i know this isnt how everyone does things, but it doesnt seem like a bad idea to wait a little instead of rush a marriage.

krystineM wrote:

alot of states may not recognize it, but people who do live in common law do all of the following
* live together for a significant period of time (not defined in any state
* hold themselves out as a married couple -- typically this means using the same last name, referring to the other as "my husband" or "my wife," and filing a joint tax return, and
* intend to be married.

marriage might be the last thing on their mine because they still follow the ways of a legal married family,
they just have other things in mind that they feel is more important.
my mother and step father, they lived common law for 10 years!!
then finally, a year ago they got married.
my mom just didnt know if she should get married again because her first didnt go well,
she wanted to wait til my brothers and i were older to see how we feel about it,
my step dad asked her i think 2 or 3 times to marry her and she said no each time, then asked one last time and she said ok.
sometimes you just have to see how things go before rushing a marriage. see if the person will stick around.

i know this isnt how everyone does things, but it doesnt seem like a bad idea to wait a little instead of rush a marriage.

Krystine, I think you may be confusing living together, also known as cohabitation, with common law marriage. They are not the same thing.

Your mother was obviously living together/cohabiting with your step father, not common law married, for all of those years, otherwise most of this post makes no sense.

Quote :

Common Law Marriage Myths

Many people believe that living together 7 or 10 years makes them married in the eyes of the law. Unfortunately, it isn't that simple.

The difference between cohabitation and common law marriage is critical. If you are a cohabitant, you may be legally considered single; if you are common law married, you are legally considered married to the same degree as if you had a ceremony. So, how do you know if you are married in the eyes of the law? Common law marriages are recognized in only certain states, including the District of Columbia, Alabama, Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas and Utah.

In order to qualify for a common law marriage, you and your partner, in general, must agree either in writing or orally to enter into a husband/wife relationship, hold yourselves out as husband and wife and acquire a reputation as a married couple. The length of time you've cohabitated may play a role in the determination of common law marriage. Common law marriages typically are limited to heterosexual couples.

If you and your partner live in any of the states that recognize common law marriages and do not want the state to consider you as married, you may wish to consult with a lawyer and create a document that would establish your relationship as unmarried cohabitants.

Note: All marriages, including common law marriages, are recognized by all states. Click here to see if you meet your state's requirements for a common law marriage.

The fact remains that if you are planning to cohabitate, you should confer with a lawyer in your state. For more information on cohabitation agreements click here. If you have reached common law marriage status, you may want to consider a postnuptial agreement. Find out more by clicking here.

http://www.equalityinmarriage.org/bmcommon.html

futureshock wrote:

NorthStar wrote:

futureshock wrote:

If you are an unwed teen mother, what made you decide to have a child?

Why do you assume that all unwed teenage mothers decided to have a child? Some are raped.

*silence*

Oh.

they addressed each other as husband and wife, my mom took my step dads last name, had joint tax returns, and did intend to be married, but my mom wanted to wait for the right time.

so if they followed all the rules of a common law relationship, how could they not have been common lat for all those years?

krystineM wrote:

they addressed each other as husband and wife, my mom took my step dads last name, had joint tax returns, and did intend to be married, but my mom wanted to wait for the right time.

so if they followed all the rules of a common law relationship, how could they not have been common lat for all those years?

Why would she do all of things, and yet not want to be married? Common law marriage is marriage.

See what you wrote here? She clearly did not want to be married, so why would she legally take his name, file joint tax returns, and call each other husband and wife?

Quote :

my mom just didnt know if she should get married again because her first didnt go well,
she wanted to wait til my brothers and i were older to see how we feel about it,
my step dad asked her i think 2 or 3 times to marry her and she said no each time, then asked one last time and she said ok.
sometimes you just have to see how things go before rushing a marriage. see if the person will stick around.

It's not just your mom's situation, the whole thing doesn't really make sense to me.

NorthStar wrote:

futureshock wrote:

NorthStar wrote:

futureshock wrote:

If you are an unwed teen mother, what made you decide to have a child?

Why do you assume that all unwed teenage mothers decided to have a child? Some are raped.

*silence*

Oh.

I thought Danielle answered that for me.

Maybe you equate being pregnant with deciding to have a child, I do not. A woman who finds herself pregnant, through consensual or non consensual sex, still has to consciously decide to have a child or not.

I am curious as to what goes into that decision making process.

she wanted to wait for the right time.
she wanted to be married again, but wanted to wait till my brothers and i were older,
to see how things in the relationship would go, if she could see herself with him for a long time,
and if she felt this was what she wanted to do.
they still addressed each other as husband and wife, and did all the joint tax returns after a couple years of being together.
i think she did this, to have maybe a test run, see how things would go in a common law marriage, and if they went ok and if they were still together in hard times and good times and years down the road, then she could consider marriage.
she did not want to jump into it, after coming out of one.

In a common law marriage you have to be divorced as well. I'm not sure why she decided to wait. If she lived exactly like she as married, then why not just be married?

...she was divorced.
it was her choice to wait.
why rush a marriage right away, when one ended not to long after a new one started?
i think i explained why she wanted to wait and not just get married.

Sorry, I will post so you can understand it better.

Living in a common law marriage then separating from that common law live in marriage requires that legal action (similar to divorce) be taken when they split up. If there is no difference in either being in a commone law marriage or marriage - why not just get married? Or why ever get married is my point.

Quote :

Common-law marriage (or common law marriage), sometimes called de facto marriage, informal marriage or marriage by habit and repute, is a form of interpersonal status which is legally recognized in some jurisdictions as a marriage even though no legally recognized marriage ceremony is performed or civil marriage contract is entered into. A common law marriage is legally binding in some jurisdictions but has no meaning in others. In some jurisdictions without true common law marriages (e.g. Hungary), the term "common law marriage" is used as a synonym for non-marital relationships such as domestic partnership or reciprocal beneficiaries relationship.

Quote :

There is no such thing as "common-law divorce". Once a marriage is validly contracted, whether according to statute or according to common law, the marriage can only be dissolved by a legal proceeding in the pertinent trial court (usually family court or probate court).

Quote :

In Canada, the legal definition and regulation of common law marriage fall under provincial jurisdiction. A couple must meet the requirements of their province's Marriage Act for their common-law marriage to be legally recognized.

According to the Canada Revenue Agency, as of 2007, a common-law relationship is true if at least one of the following applies:

a) the couple have been living in a conjugal relationship for at least 12 continuous months;

b) the couple are parents of a child by birth or adoption; or

c) one of the couple has custody and control of the child (or had custody and control immediately before the child turned 19 years of age) and the child is wholly dependent on that person for support.

For a full, up to date CRA description go here: Marital Status

In many cases common law couples have the same rights as married couples under federal law. Various federal laws include "common-law status," which automatically takes effect once two people (of any gender) have lived together in a conjugal relationship for five full years. Common-law partners may be eligible for various federal government spousal benefits. As family law varies between provinces, there are differences between the provinces regarding the recognition of common-law marriage.

In Ontario, the Ontario Family Law Act specifically recognizes common-law spouses in sec. 29, dealing with spousal support issues; the requirements are living together for no less than three years [3] or having a child in common and having "cohabitated in a relationship of some permanence". The three years must be continuous; however a breakup of a few days during the period will not affect a person's status as common law. However, the part that deals with marital property excludes common-law spouses, as sec. 2 defines spouses as those who are married together or who entered into a void or voidable marriage in good faith. Thus common-law partners do not always evenly divide property in a breakup, and the courts have to look to concepts such as the constructive or resulting trust to divide property in an equitable manner between partners. Another difference that distinguishes common-law spouses from married partners is that a common-law partner can be compelled to testify against his or her partner in a court of law.